Splitting Time / Mommy Time

When I found out I was pregnant with Hunter I wondered if I would be able to love two kids as much as I loved one.  My heart was already bursting with everything I felt for Zoey.  When Hunter arrived I quickly found it wasn’t a problem.  Naturally I loved them both and had more than enough room in my heart for each of them.  The problem then wasn’t having enough love but how and when I could show and share it with them.  This little thing called work gets in the way of my time with my kids.  As time with both of them is so limited I often feel torn between giving them both the attention they need.    

I don’t get much alone time with Hunter.  I had tons of quality time with Zoey.  I think Zoey notices our lack of time together and/or lack of mommy time.  I make a point to put in some Mommy and Zoey time when she seems in need of it.  We’ll go shopping, get our nails done or go out to eat.  As Hunter gets older I’ve realized I haven’t made alone time with him a priority.  I’m feeling little guilty about this.  Of course he’s still a baby and doesn’t know differently yet.  Zoey was a lucky ducky with almost three years of undivided Mommy time.  Poor Hunter rarely gets this much of me but does get a great deal of my attention.  In a way, though, it might be harder on Zoey, which is why I go out of my way to make her feel special too.

On our way to get our nails done

Hunter will be one year old in less than a month.  I’d love to get in some alone time with him on a consistent basis too. The fact that I hadn’t been doing this hadn’t really crossed my mind before now.  I think it’s because he’s getting older and more aware.   A couple weekends ago Joe took Zoey swimming and I took Hunter to get his first hair cut.  Hunter and I came home to an empty house and we were both thrown off.  He was looking around for Zoey.  I felt her absence too and the place just felt so quiet.  It also happened to be nap time and he got cranky.  So much for Mommy and Hunter time I thought as I put him down for a nap.  I need to do things like this more often and not at nap time! 

Bedtime for Hunter is one piece of the day that is just ours.  Each night we give Zoey and Daddy hugs and kisses, say “Night, night. bye, bye” and Hunter usually waves to them.  I brush his teeth and take him into the room that he and Zoey share.  I give him a bottle and read him a book.  Then I pick him up and we look at the pictures hanging on the walls of their room.  A few nights in a row I pointed them out to him and it has become part of our routine.  He points to the pictures and I tell him who’s in them.  There’s a caricature of him and one of Zoey, a picture of me (very pregnant with Zoey) and Joe on Zoey’s side of the room and another picture of Joe, Zoey and me (very pregnant with Hunter) on his side of the room.   I’ve started asking “Where’s mommy or where’s Zoey?” and he has gotten good at looking around and pointing at the right picture. 

Hunter and his Sleepy Guy

I sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to him every night. I sing the extended version that I didn’t know existed until I heard it on a nursery rhyme album.  The second part begins with “And the traveler in the dark, thanks you for your tiny spark...”  He usually rests his head on my shoulder and I sway to the song as I sing.  Then I give him many, many kisses and tell him mommy loves him. I lay him down in his crib and put his Sleepy Guy on his tummy.  He usually wraps one of this hands around it and looks up at me. I tell him to go to sleep and then I leave the room.  Ninety-nine percent of the time he goes to sleep without crying.  I also get some more alone time with him on weekend mornings.  He usually wakes up around 6 and 6:30 which is about an hour before Zoey gets up.  He and I get that little pocket of the morning together. Most days during the week he’s up before I leave for work.  He follows me or I carry him around as I eat breakfast, make my coffee and brush my teeth.  Then I have to say (with a frog in my throat some days) “bye, bye”, hand him to daddy and leave him for the day.

Early one Sunday Morning with Hunter

I think I do a good job of making both of them feel special.  Though I do think I can make more of an effort to give Hunter some more Mommy time while I continue to do this with Zoey as well.  Sometimes one will need more of me than the other.   I can tell when Zoey does.  Hunter is getting more attention for his accomplishments: learning to crawl, stand, walk and talk.  Zoey has started to feel and act jealous.  Often she will start “copying” Hunter in an attempt to get the same attention.  Sometimes she will act like a baby and ask me to hold her like one.  She has also started to do things that will attract negative attention.  I try to be cognizant of when this is happening.  I try to include her in my excitement of Hunter’s new skills.  

Hunter can also act jealous at times.  Like most babies with their mothers, Hunter likes to be close to me.  He wants to be near me and gets upset when he can’t be. If I’m on the floor with Zoey he will push by her and crawl into my lap.   I can’t imagine having to split myself more than two ways.  There are so many people out there with more than two kids.  I’m sure there’s a fine art to spreading your time, love and attention evenly amongst your children.  I’m sure there can’t always be a balance.  I’ll have to be the pendulum that swings back and forth.  I’m sure I’ll get better with practice.